Why does one slip so often turn into giving up?
Short answer
Because of how the slip is read. Treating one lapse as proof of failure, "I've blown it now", is a well-described reason people abandon a change. Seeing it as a one-off to learn from keeps you going.
Key points
- Researchers call it the abstinence violation effect.
- A lapse is an event; giving up is a decision.
- Ask what led to the slip, then plan for that moment next time.
The "what the hell" moment
Relapse-prevention research describes what often follows a first slip: guilt, and a sense that the rule is broken anyway, which makes a full return to the old behaviour more likely. It is called the abstinence violation effect.
Change the story
The same slip can be read two ways: "I have no willpower", or "that situation was hard and I wasn't ready for it". Only the second leads somewhere useful.
Learn from it
Note what was going on: the time, the place, how you felt, who was there. That is the situation to plan for next time.
In your plan
Notes are the place to record a slip without judging it. On an Adaptive Plan, a note about a hard day changes how the next days are built.
Related questions
What is the difference between a lapse and a relapse?
A lapse is a single slip back into an old behaviour. A relapse is a return to the old pattern. Handled well, a lapse is something to learn from, not the start of a relapse.
Read the full answerDoes missing one day ruin a habit?
No. In the best-known study of habit formation, missing a single day did not materially affect how the habit developed. What matters is getting back to it at the next opportunity.
Read the full answerYou had a bad week. Should you start over?
No need to start over. Pick the plan up from today, not from where you stopped, and ask what made the week hard. If you lost more than a few days, adjust the plan to where you are now.
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